Can someone please break the curse that is hovering over our family? Is anyone a Sicilian grandma out there that specializes in curses? I will do whatever I have to do, kiss a Priest, ride through Sicily on a donkey, kiss a snake-whatever! Our life story is rough, maybe you get tired of hearing this. Our events are similar to an Adam Sandler movie crossed with a mild Freddy Krouger aspect. If our lives were chronicled as a reality show or a documentary, I don’t think anyone would think it actually is a true story.
The series of unfortunate events (which is also another possible book title), began Tuesday evening. In an effort to get out of the house with our two typical kids, Coleman & Ava, I decided to take them to a new restaurant along with my sister & Mama. When it took 15 minutes to get a menu, we knew there was going to be trouble. When the menu finally was delivered, it was like a large pamphlet with six items to choose from as your meal & most items had to be googled to see what they were. The rest of items were drinks. Now, I was in the right location to get knee-walking drunk, but I don’t drink, so that option was blown! The only non-alcoholic drinks were water, Mexican Coke, Ginger Beer (gross), & Sprite. We all stuck with water expect for the problem child, Ava-she ordered Sprite. Our waitress comes back after 15 minutes to inform us they were out of Sprite. Now, how could any restaurant in the south not have sweet tea? That’s just plain silly! We left & went to another restaurant, all was fine, did a little shopping, headed home. This is when the ball started to unravel.
Upon arrival home, two deputies were pulling into our driveway. As you can imagine, I am thinking Jack has become violent & Lee had to call 911. My crew & the deputies entered the house at the same time & Lee was casually in the recliner, Jack in his room. The deputies said they had three calls from our house to 911. Jack lied & said someone else called 911, one of his chatroom friends. The story just keeps getting better from here.
The next day, Coleman has student/parent orientation at State for two days. Lee & Coleman were driving separately to State because Coleman spent the night in the dorm. They left at 6am & hadn’t made it 10 miles from the house & Coleman is calling saying Lee has hit a deer! Now this will not come as a shock to some of you. Lee has hit deer, a black bear, & most recently, an AK-47 that fell off an Army truck! I think we need to start a GoFundMe page for LASIK surgery. Lee’s truck was undriveable, thankfully, my parents live down the road from the accident & Lee was able to get my Daddy’s truck to drive to State. Poor ol’ Coleman had to go down the road & arrive at State without a parent in tow for about 45 minutes.
The next sob story goes back to Jack. He wakes up per his usual bull in a china shop fashion, trying his best to get in the bathroom with me as I have locked myself in to deter him from harassing me physically. When we were having issues with violence from Jack, Lee jimmied our doors to stay locked from the outside if we needed to get away from him without him entering by placing a screw in the keyhole of the door. For pure meanness, Jack locks my bedroom door & runs back to his room. I still have my gown on because my clothes are in my bedroom. Now this lock can be removed easily had I had the proper tools, but of course we never have anything when we need it. It’s like having peanut butter & jelly, but no bread (thanks to the movie “Friday” for that analogy-I use it often). Let me just tell you that Jake VunCannon is an angel among us. He is good people! Lee called Jake & he came to my rescue. Lee & I ended up switching places today in Raleigh. As soon as I was able to get back into our bedroom, I got ready to head to State because we had some employee issues at the stand. All went smoothly at State, thank the Lord!
Every bit of this crazy story occurred in less than 12 hours! I absolutely can not make this stuff up. I am sure y’all think we are a bunch of loons, but I swear we aren’t (we aren’t making this up that is). The only question I keep asking myself is, why? Why must we endure such suffering? Why must nearly every single day be such a challenge? Why can’t we enjoy life as others do? I don’t know the answer to any of these questions, it’s likely that I won’t, maybe it’s for your comedic relief. Maybe it’s to remind you, that perhaps some of your problems really aren’t problems. I feel like Nancy Kerrigan after she was attacked right before the Olympics, I find myself screaming, “why, why, why” nearly everyday. We’ve got one more Raleigh trip this week & that’s taking Jack to the Keith Urban concert…Lord have mercy. Let’s hope that trip doesn’t require a blog!