Dreams

What are your dreams made of & I mean actual dreams like dreams during your finest hours of slumber? We all dream, at times stranger than strange. I have always been a dreamer of the bizarre. Dreaming about people I went to school with & have not seen or thought about in 30+ years is common for me. Which I wonder if that is a sign from God that I should pray for them & I do. Also, I seem to dream about traumatic things like people close to me dying, someone breaking into our home, crazy stuff very frequently. I think most of these traumatic dreams are fueled by the circumstances in which we live. My dreams aren’t pretty, they never have been, but my dreams in the last few years are disturbing. I often wake up in a sweat (not a cold sweat because I am nearing menopause lol) & highly disturbed. My disturbed dreams involve Jack almost always. The dreams seem so real & possible. It’s not every night, five nights a week give or take. I’ve recently incurred more of a problem sleeping than usual. I toss & turn all night long, waking anywhere from 4-6 times a night & mind you I can’t find my sleep window until about 2am. I don’t know if my thyroid is more out of whack than usual, if it’s hormonal, or a result of my dreams. My dreams that involve Jack are way too nightmarish to write about, I do have a few boundaries & will keep those in my heart purse. The side effects as many of you know to not sleeping well can be a day of being an illbox, groggy, foggy-ness, clumsiness, & just plain weirdness. If a camera were allowed inside my brain for y’all to view, it would be more than alarming. Y’all would say get this gal some mental health help stat! The dreams can hit Lee at times as well. Just the other day he attempted a nap, he was asleep & about 15 minutes in, he was startled awake with a dream that Jack was having a seizure. Our experiences with Jack have been very frightening through the years, we’ve experienced both physical & mental trauma, no wonder we are plagued by fearful dreams. The dreams seem so real because we have been through almost every circumstance with Jack. I question a lot of times whether my dream was reality or not. When a trauma victim says they have PTSD, believe them, it is a real thing.

I wonder when I have time to dream, my sleep issues have consistently been a subject of soreness since Jack’s birth. We had the typical newborn phase of not sleeping due to feedings, but ours was so much more than just middle of the night feedings & diaper changes. First, we already had a baby, Coleman was only 15 months old when Jack was born & Coleman never slept great. Jack was also born with a heart condition that he had to take medication for every eight hours. The hospital had him on a crazy eight hour schedule that didn’t fit into our lives too well, but of course we still did it. It wasn’t until speaking with the cardiology team at Duke during an appointment that this was addressed & they directed us on how to change the schedule. We were parents of a medically challenged newborn that had a potentially life-threatening heart condition, we had no idea we could change the schedule, we were terrified parents. Then when Jack turned 6 months old just as we were feeling comfortable with parenting Jack, that’s when our world really got turned upside down when Jack had his first of millions of seizures. Fast forward 19 years later, a diagnosis of Hashimoto’s for myself (which causes sleep issues) & Jack’s sleep issues, a perfect storm was created for staying wide awake 90% of the time one is supposed to be asleep. Since Jack was around 11, I started a daily journal about him. It lists the date, anything unusual like sleep or behavioral issues, bathroom changes, medication changes, mood changes, & seizures. “Normal” days (if you can call it that) are highlighted green, days with something different are highlighted pink. There are several weeks in September of this year that are pink, we love all green!

All of this talk about sleep got me on a Kardashian kick. Why the Kardashians you might ask? Well, one of the famed sisters has been spotted recently in her pajamas aka paja-mers in my household. Sister K was caught sporting her silky blue pj’s out on the town. Fancy, yes. Would I do that, no! My pj’s are very sad. Teens are always snapping pictures, Ava is forever taking my picture in the most unflattering ways & clothes, namely my nightgown. All of her friends know what my one nightgown looks like. I was even told by one of her friends that my nightgown is iconic! Being the peculiar person that I am, I have certain requirements for sleepwear. It must not have sleeves, must be mid-length, not see-thru, & soft. Imagine the difficultly in trying to find such an anomaly! I found one five years ago at Walmart & it is the only gown I have worn since then. I don’t do t-shirts, tanks, shorts, pants, only nightgowns.

I always get tickled when I see someone out at Walmart, the grocery store, or Dixie Burger in their bedtime clothes, especially when they are sporting their bedroom shoes, too. That’s another thing that I don’t own, I wear my black Nike foam flip flops around the house, to work, & even to Disney-that is one thing I am willing to wear with both my pajamas & daywear lol. If the public were to see me in my nightgown, I would be a feature on the nightly news! It’s amazing how celebs look good in almost anything, but us regular people have a hard time looking decent in shorts & a tank top! I can see me now in a pair of satin pajamas like the Kardashians, the pants would be high waters on me, I would load up in my Yukon & slide all over the seat because that’s the only thing I have in my life that is leather & leather & satin don’t “sit” well, sweat stains would quickly form & show because of hot flashes, & I don’t even want to think about how horrible my boobs would look in such an outfit! Life is different when you are a celebrity. You can wear the ugliest of clothes & still get named best dressed woman of the year.

I haven’t had much of a need for pajamas here lately since Jack is on an anti-sleeping protest. Most mornings, yes I said mornings, he has not been going to sleep until 6am or after, then waking at 11am. Lee has bribed him into going to bed early the last few nights so that he can get a Dale Earnhardt car that he’s been watching on Facebook. Not that he needs any more junk, but anything to get a few nights of peace & maybe some rest. The first night of this new deal, I had complete & utter silence in the house, something that I have not experienced in quite sometime. Lee was in the bed, Jack asleep, Ava spent the night at a friends. Silence truly is golden. Funny story, prior to Lee & Jack’s new deal, Jack was being very loud one night around 11:30pm, he was howling like a wolf. He went on & on for about 30 minutes. Ava was texting me from upstairs begging me to tell him to hush which never works so I let him carry on. I was on the phone with my Aunt Dot who heard the howling & thought she had something outside her house. I die laughing at that all the time now!

In my downtime on that silent night, I was finally able to open a few of my QVC & Amazon packages (I actually forgot what was in them). You can’t ever let Jack see a package (this is what caused my delay in opening them), he will want to open it & him opening a package will tear up your nerves. He wants knives & scissors & we are scared to death he will cut himself because he doesn’t understand the danger of those objects. Jack has been the sweetest fella ever despite the last several weeks of his sleeping strike. I’ve noticed a change in him for the better even though he has had an increase in small seizures, in which they usually make him more irritable, but this time, it hasn’t gone that way. Jack ordered a Care Bear from Walmart, it was shipped to the Moore County store (aka my stomping grounds) & of course we had to go pick it up. Lee had to go up that way for business so he picked up the bear for Jack. Jack has been like a toddler with the bear. He cuddles with it all the time. I hope it’s not a phase & will continue. The bear was pre-named Grumpy. I think this picture of Jack with Grumpy is so sweet. My prayer is he will remain in this stage.

I’m excited for a few things that are currently happening. Jack is eating & using the bathroom regularly, he went to bed early one night (hopefully more to come) & softball starts up this week. I’ve not played since December & excited to get back out. Remember, if you choose to wear your pj’s in public, I won’t judge you at all-I might take some pictures of you & send to my Mama & sister, but no judgement lol. Just don’t pair your pajamas with hair curlers & a cigarette, I might think I am living in the 70’s & 80’s again!

Author: dravetsyndromeblog

44 year old Mama of three kids, wife of a farmer, & business owner.

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