Jack just took a quiz via Facebook, the question was “what Looney Tunes character are you?” His answer revealed Bugs Bunny. They got that dead wrong, why didn’t it say the Tasmanian Devil? Folks, these quizzes are wrong, don’t take them, don’t waste your time. Proof is right here! I challenge y’all to find me a human being more aggravating than Jack Berry. Several years ago, Jack went through a phase of complaining that he was hot all the time & needed a ceiling fan in his room. At the time he had only a light, no fan. It was really more about being like everyone else in the family & having what we had in our bedrooms. Always forced to comply with his every whim, we purchased that aggravating heathen a ceiling fan with a light. He was satisfied-with that only. He can’t get any satisfaction in any other arena most of the time,so at least he was off our backs about that fan for a few years. I wrote a blog a few weeks ago about the Bermuda Triangle of dry land being The Berry Patch, our home is also the Bermuda Triangle. We’ve had all the fixtures in our home since we moved in in 2010, but the one that decides to need replacing is the one in Jack’s room of course-just our luck. Jack’s fan has been on the brink for few weeks now. The light has been flickering on it ever so slightly & very infrequently, but enough to run Jack into a full mental breakdown & us as well. Even the slightest bit of something being wrong or out of place causes him to have a breakdown-he may or may not of gotten that from me. Lee tinkered with it, my MacGuyver couldn’t patch this one up. We were hoping Jack wouldn’t become addled with it, because we really didn’t want anyone unnecessary in our home due to Corona, but Lee was forced to call in our favorite electricians Larry & Terry (reminds me of the Newhart Show, Larry, Darryl, & Darryl for some reason) to try to salvage the ceiling fan. Being cursed as we are, the light part of the fan could not be saved.
That in itself gave Jack a whole new mission, a whole new purpose in his life. He demanded me take him to Lowe’s to pick out another one, then he thought about Corona & quickly changed his mind. Corona is an evil woman. Without her presence, all of this story I feel could of been avoided. Jack & I could of gone to Lowe’s picked out a fan & most of the hassle Lee & I endured & the poor employees of Lowe’s would have been less painful. Over the next few days, Jack worried the pure-t fool out of all of named above, including Larry & Terry. When the electricians came the first time, Jack noticed one thing about them & one thing only, their T-shirts. They were wearing shirts that advertised their business. Unfortunately for them, Jack got their phone number off their shirt. He also asked them if they sold their T-shirts, he is a shirt hog after all. It wouldn’t matter if the shirt was advertising a pile of poo or for a strip club, he would want it! Jack’s light/fan ordeal took place from Friday-Sunday. He started inquiring about Lowe’s delivering his fan. Jack wanted me to go pick it out using the guidelines he gave me, pay for it, then have them deliver it. Jack is not a person anyone with a head can rationalize with. He knows it all & has all the answers. I foolishly told Jack Lowe’s doesn’t deliver fans, I honestly thought they only delivered appliances & big stuff. Of course he had to prove me wrong by calling the store to confirm what he told me. What I couldn’t get him to understand was if I went to the trouble of going down there, I could bring it home since it is not a large box. Nothing would do but to have this fan delivered. Jack called Lowe’s for three straight days worrying them to death about setting up delivery & getting a fan. This is one of the conversations I overheard. I was dying laughing & fuming inside all at the same time.
Lowe’s employee: This is Lowe’s how can I direct your call?
Jack: I need the electrical company. (They transfer him to electrical surprisingly)
Lowe’s employee (a woman named Robin who is a saint): How can I help you?
Jack: I need a fan. Do y’all deliver fans?
Employee: Yes we do sir.
Jack: What kind do you have?
Employee: What kind are you looking for?
Jack: A bedroom fan. (I’m thinking “Lord, please don’t let him make this inappropriate”).
Employee: We have white, brown, chrome. Why don’t you look online for some?
Jack: Thank you for your help, God bless you & have a great day.
Now this was only one of his conversations of multiples & that went on & on. Kudos to the employees of Lowe’s for having the patience of Job to indulge Jack & his barrage of questions. Jack’s ending statement to the employee of Lowe’s made me think I have done a little something right with raising that boy! On that day after Jack tried to arrange a delivery with “Robin”, I sent Lee to Lowe’s because Jack was riding our tails so bad, plus he was being mean & aggressive towards me & one of his caregivers. This is what the smallest things do to Jack. They get him so out of sorts & wound up that his emotions come out as aggressiveness. Anything out of the ordinary works him up, this is why we try to get his needs taken care of before he hurts one of us-this is all because of Dravet Syndrome, not because we have spoiled him. To curtail any further threats on my life, I sent Lee on a Sunday to pick out two fan options. The plan was for Lee to drop them off at the house since Jack stays in his room most of the time, he would never know that Lowe’s didn’t deliver the fans. Lee was FaceTiming me from Lowe’s making sure he was purchasing the right ones. I later called Jack after the fake Lowe’s delivery & said Lowe’s came but y’all didn’t answer the door. Wouldn’t you know it, but Jack didn’t like either fan! Outdone & mad as fire, I went back to Lowe’s the same day to purchase yet another fan for a fake delivery. Everyone in that whole store knew about Jack & these fans-how embarrassing! They were like, “did Lee not get the right ones?” Of course he didn’t, Jack is just that picky. I then purchased a fan similar to the one in our bedroom since he said he liked that one. By the time I got it loaded & back on the highway to head to our house, Jack calls to tell me he was going to keep one of the original fans that “Lowe’s” brought the first time. I still “delivered” the fan & he didn’t like it either. I felt like Lee & I were Lucy & Ethel trying time hide our purchases & do something sneaky from Ricky & Fred! Now that made me even madder than the first fire made me! Once Jack had his mind made up on his choice of fan, he didn’t even glance at the second delivery. Jack’s fan selection is enormous. The fan on high will blow you straight out of the room. It looks like a propellor on a WWII airplane it’s so big. He is so impressed by the fan, he has to show it off to the few people that come into our home. He acts like one of the models off The Price is Right when showing it off too-he is proud!
Jack’s sleep has even been disturbed due to this fan ordeal. First thing that following Monday morning, Jack called the electricians. He knew their number from their T-shirts & arranged a time for installation. It would be a day before they could come, however. Once the fan was installed, Jack’s sleeping pattern leveled out & he is getting back to normal, he has also become nicer & hasn’t pressed his plastic Power Ranger sword against my carotid since. Our day to day lives are ever changing with Jack.
As much as my day is the same, it can also be so different, scary, weird, and/or downright funny & all this can occur in the same day! I will close with another one of my Bermuda Triangle of dry land stories that just happened today at our home. I came home a little early to do some paperwork, I was sitting on the porch for a minute working on my blog & noticed a strange car riding by the house. What made it so strange was the man driving was going super slow & staring a hole into our house. I knew he was going to do what he did before he did it. He turned around in the neighbors driveway & headed back to my house staring yet again. Being the proper “hawk” (that’s what a friend calls me) that I am, I snapped a picture of the man’s car & sent it to Lee. I told him creeper alert. Guess where the man went straight to? The Berry Patch! Lee got a picture of his tag, we know his name, he’s a local, but that’s it. Neither one of us has seen this man before. Now how strange is it that I would notice a strange man riding by our house & then went straight to our business. A coincidence, I think not. Hopefully this story will fizzle out & nothing will come of it & it won’t have a need for a blog, but stay tuned just in case!