Y’all I have been dying laughing about this story with Jack so many times over the last few days. I have conveyed to y’all in my previous blogs Jack’s penchant for money, he lives to spend our money daily & multiple times a day. He’s been known to call in orders at Dixie Burger twice a day & everyday & if we refuse to get them, he’ll call aunts, uncles, whoever until he can get someone to buy his food for him. It’s a no win situation, telling Jack “no” only resorts to more aggravation & suffering. His love for spending money runs deep. He wants us to take things like comic books, old coloring books, toy cars to sell at The Berry Patch, he thinks we run a consignment shop! Jack has sold stuff on eBay for years, of course it’s my responsibility to pay for shipping & handling, he doesn’t grasp the full concept-all he sees are dollar signs. Jack’s need for buying junk items started when he was only 4 years old. I left my desktop computer open that was in a computer desk with doors & eBay was up on the computer. Jack typed in the Wiggles (his first true love) & ordered over $500 in Wiggles merchandise. Items he purchased were a comforter, sheets, movies, books, & more. Luckily, I was able to explain to the sellers about my son doing this on accident & the orders were able to be canceled. Then there’s Avon. I’ve always loved looking at Avon books, but I’ve had to hide the books since Jack was about 5 because he demanded everything in them-excluding makeup. He has always wanted a pile of junk even if that junk has no meaning to him, it was & has always been about the all mighty dollar, either him making one or spending someone else’s. Not only does he love to spend our money honey, he loves to make money not just on eBay either. My Aunt Sue & I used to have yard sales all the time. It was a quick way to get rid of clutter & make a few bucks. We’d start at the crack of dawn & work through lunch with the kids running around like heathens. Jack would want to sell silly stuff like one sock that the match had disappeared or a toy that was broken beyond repair. He’s a money hustler. While Jack’s penchant is money, my penchant is laughter-nothing any better. There are so many times that I lie in bed at night & think of a funny story & start belly rolling so hard I wake Lee & what Jack recently did is one of those times.
My parents gifted Jack with a metal detector this past Christmas, he has tore up our yard looking for something valuable that he can sell no less. He’s not found anything to date but a few rusty nails & some sort of rusty pipe. There are holes all over our yard, particularly in the back where I hang clothes out on a daily. I’m just waiting for the day I twist my ankle because Jack’s holes are deep. They aren’t bury a body deep, but they are spend $3,000 in the ER & a lifetime of agony deep. My dear friend Judy Cloninger text me the other day wanting to know if Jack had a metal detector. I screenshot our conversation so that y’all could read it, it was too, too funny. Make sure you read our conversation so you’ll know what this blog means.
What a wheeler & dealer! Being the wonderful people that Judy & her sister, Linda are, they gave the money for the metal detector “rent”! It won’t be long & he’ll be posting on Facebook that he has a metal detector for rent. Where did Jack come up with the $15 figure you may wonder? Well, the previous night, Jack was tracking the Easter Bunny like you do when you are actively seeking a wife & noticed the app he was using just so happened to be selling Easter Bunny T-shirts-which is another thing Jack lives for. He has more T-shirt’s than Walmart! Guess how much those shirts cost? $15! Jack wanted me to buy it but I told him I was broke. He gave me $15 of his money to buy the shirt, this all worked out in Jack’s favor. He lost $15 for something he wanted but made it right back the next day-pretty smart business man! He may not have an IQ higher than a toddlers in some areas, but he’s a pretty staunch businessman.
Now of course Jack gets his business techniques honest. If you are my Facebook friend, you know that I sell stuff all the time. In my defense, 90% of it is NOT mine, it’s my Mama’s. Years ago when I was a full-time stay at home Mama, I sold stuff on eBay myself. I would go to the QVC store in Fairmont, NC that sold items customers returned from QVC (they have probably seen a lot of my returns). The big ticket item at that time were Spanx. I purchased the Spanx cheaply & sold them on eBay. I made quite a good hustle on the undergarments. There is one funny but disgusting story about the Spanx I sold that is truly outrageous. I didn’t take the Spanx out of the box when I purchased them, I simply listed them by size & packaged them up as they sold. One customer contacted me after her purchase arrived to complain that there was a maxi pad stuck to the crouch of her Spanx! Omg, I was totally embarrassed! I have never left a pad in anything I own or returned, why would someone else do this, but I work with the public so nothing is out of the question! I issued a full refund & from that point on, I inspected every pair of Spanx as if I were #44 in the Hanes underwear quality control line.
Things aren’t always doom & gloom with Jack. He makes me laugh sometimes when I’m not too angry with him inside to smile. We had a bad storm to pass through the south this week, losing power for a while. This is no big deal to me, I know it will eventually come back on. My family has dealt with power outages for many years for weeks at a time. However, losing power with Jack is a different story. This is no situation anyone wants to be placed in, not even your worst enemy! Our power was off for about 6 hours, mostly in the morning hours when he is so aggravating, wild, & at his worst. There was nothing electronic to hold his focus. I went outside to listen to the birds & hopeful that my hummingbirds would soon return after their winter vavcation that morning of our power outage, Jack followed. He started punching me in his playful way but it was still hurtful, sitting on me, then karate chopping my Easter wreath which he broke some of the eggs off of. People that complain when the power is out, need to be thankful they don’t have a Tasmanian Devil in the same house as them during the outage!
It was such a beautiful day after the storm passed, that I wanted to grill that evening. I did some jalapeño poppers & grilled steaks & zucchini. For some reason, Jack wanted to help. He had to put the pan in the oven for the jalapeños which could of been a disaster, he had to put the steaks & zucchini on the grill. He would not let me touch the grill at all. He parked himself in front of the grill like a pit bull guarding his territory, he sat vigil. I couldn’t even think about getting close. Good new is Jack actually are what I cooked or what he cooked rather. What I thought was cute way to end the night, & tied it all back to the inspiration of this blog was what Jack did in this video. He was imitating Mr. Krabs on Spongebob. He is Mr. Krabs, he wants money & lots of it!
Now the next day, I was not laughing at all, in fact, I couldn’t wait to get the heck out of my own house. He was into everything in the world, messing with his oxygen tanks that I have on reserve should he need support during a seizure, hitting me yet again, following me everywhere I went in the house, being rude. I had had enough! So out I ran when his caretaker arrived to go make more money to feed Jack’s addictions! One more quick story about story about Judy & Jack. Judy was wearing a BB&T banking T-shirt recently & of course Jack begged & pleaded with Judy to get him one. She couldn’t find one anywhere so she did the next best thing, had him one made. It even has his name on it & the name of the bank. The shirt he’s wearing in the video is the shirt she had made for him. You don’t find many people that are true to their word, but she sure is. Judy couldn’t wait to make it in one of my blogs lol. This was meant to be! 💜