Ain’t Nothing Nothing

This has not been a good Corona vacation week. We had such a good run with Jack lasting a few weeks even. He was the sweetest, saying things like yes ma’am & no sir, not calling us 100 times a day, going to bed early, sleeping in past 11:00am, not doing anything foolish. It was a good time! Now, that has changed & this is how the Corona virus has affected us.

Since our business is considered “essential”, we have been busy with it, so up until now, the virus hasn’t actually felt real to us because we are still working everyday. Now, Jack has gone off the deep end so to speak & the confinements of home have hit hard. Ava’s homeschooling started last week, so the end of March. She is required to be in front of the computer interacting with her teachers & classmates from 9am-2pm daily, with a lunch break incorporated in. A few days after Ava started her online classes, things went downhill with Jack. He is no longer going to bed at a reasonable time even with elephant strength sleeping meds plus, he’s waking up early. For the last ten days, he hasn’t gone to bed before 2:30am which means I have to be up as well. I’ve worked so hard since the virus quarantine started with doing all my regular required duties of The Berry Patch & now trying to get a delivery service started for those that are in full quarantine. I’ve been so tired that I haven’t been able to sleep at all & I don’t or won’t take any medications (I’m a hard-headed Libra after all). This has made me an ill-box (my Daddy’s words to describe us ladies in the house). Not only has Jack’s sleep cycle been messed up, but he has become the Tasmanian Devil yet again. It’s amazing how much you can enjoy being with a person & all go so well & overnight you hate the very air they breathe. How can I say that about my own child? It’s so incredibly hard to imagine the torture we are all forced to deal with when Jack is storming. Imagine living with Bugs Bunny, the Roadrunner, the Tasmanian Devil, & Elmer Fudd-chaos, violence, crazy-town, evil, destruction! I’ve always said if Jack makes it out of the bed right after he wakes up in the mornings, he’s going to have a bad day. This morning (04.06.2020), Jack bound out of bed like a stick of dynamite was under him. From the moment his feet hit the floor, he was a terror. He immediately went to the stove & turned on two eyes. Then he caught sight of my robe that has a tie on it to keep it closed. I have on my nightgown underneath, I wear a robe every morning because he tries to tear my clothes off. He can not tie nor can he untie thank heavens. Not just this morning, but every morning that he is wild, he grabs both ends of the tie & pulls them as hard as he can trying to get my robe undone. Pulls them like he is in a tug-of-war contest. This morning he pulled the ties so tightly that I could not get it unknotted. I was stuck in my robe! Right after that, I tried to seclude myself from him in my locked bathroom to get ready for the day. As I was brushing my teeth, Jack demanded to come in to use the bathroom, never mind that there is another bathroom downstairs. I left him in there, he then locks the door to the restroom so I couldn’t get back in, he’s not in there nor am I. He didn’t want me going back in there so he locked the door. Lee jimmied the door lock so Jack couldn’t get in locked doors in case we needed to get away from him, I couldn’t unlock it-Lee had to. Once Lee got home, he had to unlock the door & untie my robe! His energy has no limits. Next thing he was onto was stomping through the house, jumping on the bed, banging pots, iPhone music & games going at the same time, TV blaring with a volume of 60 or more, then talking to a foreign man named “Ricky” that Jack claimed is his friend. What a morning!

This is one example of the loudness we have to deal with. We were trying to watch tv, but Jack barrels in & pays us no mind when we ask him to stop.

How does this tie into Corona you may ask? Well, Ava is upstairs trying to do her online classes everyday, while doing so, she is being constantly disturbed. Who knew when I washed Ava’s school uniforms nearly a month ago would be last time? When I washed her last load of clothes it made me so sad for her because there were no school uniforms in her basket. Ava loves school. School was her respite from Jack. At school there were no worries at that present moment. It hurts my heart that her learning has to be done in her bedroom with a closed & locked door now isolated from all human beings other than virtual ones for five hours. That may not seem like a lot to most, but it is to us when home can be a such a volatile, hostile, & disruptive environment. By the time Ava finishes online school, I have left for work. There are no other arrangements for Ava unless she goes to work with me. No teenager wants to do that everyday. This virus sucks! This virus has robbed so many. I don’t care about myself, I can deal with it, but it is worrisome for those dealing with mental health issues such as ourselves. Isolation is not a good thing when it’s not the norm. But there is absolutely nothing we can do about the circumstances. Lee & I often ate lunch together to talk, not for the food. We usually ate together five days a week prior to the virus. We did this because we don’t get to see each other without Jack’s interruptions. We don’t have husband & wife time. We allowed 45 minutes with one another five days a week so that we could chat about our plans for the day, business matters, & life. I could prepare us something & we eat in our car, but mornings are so tough with Jack that I run out of the house when his caregiver gets here. I simply have had enough by the time she arrives.

Jack lives to eat food from other places outside our home. Now that stay at home orders are in place, that Jack wants to eat all three meals out. He expects takeout everyday & night. He called Dixie Burger everyday last week & most nights for pickup orders. It’s like he is revolting against the order. Just like with him locking my bathroom door this morning, he did that so I would be forced to spend time with him. He really is a conniving child, would be one heck of a defense attorney or a criminal if circumstances were different. Here’s an example of how he sits in the recliner.

I was visiting with my parents a few weeks ago during the lockdown & Entertainment Tonight came on, it was running a repeat. I stated that all the shows were reruns, Daddy says “ain’t nothing nothing”! That was so funny to me, I have said that statement in my head everyday since then & laugh about it each time. It’s so true for us, ain’t nothing nothing. Lee & I can’t go out to eat for a little r&r, Ava & I can’t have a fun outing to forget our Jack troubles, we can’t go to Mama & Daddy’s for Sunday lunch, can’t ride to Southern Pines for a quick trip to TJ Maxx with Mama, can’t go see Coleman. Ain’t nothing nothing, but yet nothing is something for us & I don’t like it! Hope that makes some sense!

Author: dravetsyndromeblog

44 year old Mama of three kids, wife of a farmer, & business owner.

2 thoughts on “Ain’t Nothing Nothing”

  1. Amy, I really don’t know how you survive this heavy burden other than by God’s grace. I try to remember to pray for you and your family because I know lots of people with problems but none as severe as yours. You are such a strong person, but I guess you have had to be to deal with all that you face every day.

    Liked by 2 people

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