Satan’s Evil Spawn

Omg, kill me now! This little elf on the shelf is going to either to the death of me or the thing that finally sends Jack or myself to a mental institution! I am not being factious in any way, I am totally serious. Our elf’s name is Barney, or as I refer to him as Satan’s evil spawn. Ever since Jack requested Barney’s presence to be unleashed from the box he sat perfectly in, life has been hell. How could a stuffed elf that weighs less than three ounces & is only 8 inches long cause so much commotion? Jack has been leaving notes for the evil spawn, not going to bed until late then awakening early to search if the elf left him a prize or to search where Barney has hidden. Jack has shaved off a good five hours per night from his sleep routine since the elf came out of the box. I hate that elf so much! One of the problems that is associated with Dravet syndrome is the overexcitement factor. Jack does not know how to handle or process excitement, this is a genetic mutation not a made up disorder from his crazy Mama. It brings on seizures and/or negative behaviors like lack of sleep, aggressiveness, or acting like a Tasmanian Devil.

On top of of all the problems that skinny little Barney has caused, it’s now a full moon. Believe what you will about the full moon, but I know facts. The fact is, Jack goes nuts when the moon is nearing fullness status & when it is full. Ask ER nurses about the craziness that happens during full moons, they will verify that people go cray cray. Once when Jack, Coleman, & myself went outside to view a nighttime eclipse that was also a full moon, the child did not sleep at all that night, just looking at the full moon caused sleep disruption, he was up from sun-up to sun-down. For the past few days as the moon was beginning to peak to fullness, Jack has been a pure-t donkeys tail. He has had it out for me since he woke up Tuesday morning. I’ve always said if Jack ever gets out of the bed first thing after waking, he & the rest of us are going to have a bad day & of course he’s getting up first thing on the hunt for the elf every morning. The first night Barney magically moved from his box, he hid in Jack’s room. I will NEVER make that mistake again. Jack pretend slept that whole night trying to catch the elf move. Every time I would go in his room thinking he would be asleep, he wasn’t. Elf didn’t move that night due to the threat of Jack seeing me move him. The next night, I had to give Jack extra sleeping medicine to ensure he was asleep so Barney could move. Y’all have no idea how lucky you are to not have an elf to worry about, or if you do, you have no idea how lucky you are to have children that don’t get this worked up over an elf! Barney looks so angelic resting on this picture frame (clever, right), but I know there is deviousness behind that smile & bright eyes.

Wednesday morning this week upon waking, of course Jack got straight up & searched for the elf. After finding Barney, Jack did his business stuff; called Dixie Burger to place a to-go order for 12 sausages, toast, & eggs. He hates bread unless it’s a bacon & egg sandwich so why would he order toast. Jack normally doesn’t want to venture outside of the house unless it’s to Pokémon hunt, he didn’t ask if I would take him, he assumed his Daddy or caregiver would go get it. Jack does everything without thinking or caring whether or not it inconveniences anyone or if we have even have any money to pay for his order, he assumed his Daddy or his caregiver would get it. Neither one could not get his food, so he calls Dixie Burger back & asks if they can hold his order for a few hours, they said yes. Then Jack decided to go to Dixie Burger with me. Thankfully, the person that took his order is a highly intelligent person & did not give Jack 12 sausages! While in the car, Jack hears one of my favorite local radio personalities, Gary Smith from WLWL 770am on air who is playing a Keith Urban Christmas song. Jack calls Gary to get him to play more songs & Gary happily chats with Jack for a bit. Then I hear Jack talking to a man whose voice I don’t recognize. Jack tells the man to help him & tells the man our home address. I am immediately placed on high alert, as I have no idea who he is talking to. Jack claims it is a fellow Pokémon hunter & Jack needed some help with the game. I hate having to worry about all of this, y’all don’t be surprised if we wind up on the news, Dateline, or 48 hours one day due to some crazy person coming to our home. I’m seriously considering changing our home address & not telling Jack about it. By the way, his food sat for a whole 12 hours without touching it!

Not only has the elf shaved off around five hours per day/night of Jack’s sleep cycle, the elf also receives these types of requests from Jack:

How frustrating it is as a parent of a mentally disabled child (though he be 18, he still a child) forget his physical limitations. Dealing with this on top of his mental condition is an absolute nightmare. He goes from girlfriend/wife to Santa or Santa to girlfriend/wife. And he’s not looking for someone that is on his level, he’s looking for his significant other to have the looks of a Victoria’s Secret Angel. His request to Barney the elf or those idiots he gets tied up with online is always a woman with blonde hair. I honestly think Jack thinks anyone with blonde hair (like mine) can take care of him the way I do. It is impossible to explain to Jack that a “normal” person would not be interested in him nor would a VS Angel. You would think after seeking a woman for two years, being lied to by 100’s of people online, & being catfished Jack would give up, but he is persistent if nothing else. I ask myself all the time what can I do, how do I redirect his thinking? This is a task that simply can not be done, testosterone is more powerful than kryptonite! Pair that with the hard-headness of an 18 year old & you have a recipe for disaster.

The next letter Jack left was to his year round elf, Forest that was gifted to Jack by Santa last year in effort to try to curtail bad behaviors. Forest didn’t see the note, so then he left it to the elf of all elves, Barney. The requests to the elves never stop. Jack has been heavily researching Santa over the last few days. As you know, there is all kinds of information about everything online. It has been a great fear of ours that Jack will discover the truth due to so many sites for parents to purchase packages to help kids who are on the fence about Santa believe again, like purchasing a picture of Santa inside your home & Jack wants us to purchase that. Now whether or not he fully understands what that means, we don’t know & we ain’t asking! This is our only time of year that we have actual leverage & we are terrified we’ll lose it. None of us can physically write to the elf either because Jack would recognize our handwriting, so we have to depend on the other evil spawn of Satan, a printer, which only works less than 1% of the time! That’s a whole blog for another time.

On the same morning Jack woke up requesting songs from Gary, getting food from Dixie Burger, & talking to an unknown man about coming to our house, Coleman had his class ring ceremony at State that evening. It never fails, if we have something planned, feelings of uneasiness or something crazy inevitably happens. The ceremony didn’t begin until 7pm, plus Coleman wanted to dine out afterwards to celebrate his achievement. Of course we were thrilled to go, but we were extremely worried about what was going on at home due to the morning events that all occurred within an hour-who knew what would happen in the next 12 hours! We didn’t get home until after midnight, but the evening was uneventful thank the good Lord. It is sad to say & realize that we can never fully enjoy anything because of worries at home. However, while at State, we learned great facts about the NC State classrings, they possess magic powers as told by one of the chancellors. Maybe I need to go to State & get me one of them there fancy rings & see what kind of magic it can bring into our home! It was a fun evening though Lee & I were worried about the potentials at home. I was in constant communication with the the people looking after him, still completely unable to 100% enjoy. My parents, my sister Jodie, Lee & myself were able to attend, Ava was on a Beta Club trip helping pack shoeboxes with Samaritan’s Purse in Boone, NC. We are so proud of Coleman & Ava for their achievements, we have truly been blessed. Pictures of their special moments.

My last blog about Jack was upbeat & positive & he is still mostly okay, but I know the 💩is going to hit the fan after Christmas. I’m so nervous about December 26 arriving that it is hard to savor the Christmas season. The constant worry about my future on Dateline is real. There are various placements of potential weapons in & around our home in case my worry becomes a reality & quick thinking has to take place in the event a fool tries to enter our home. Please join Lee & I in prayer that Jack’s desire to have a girlfriend and/or wife will vanish, we greatly appreciate any prayers you can send our way. This is not a comedic request either, I am dead serious. Having this prayer answered will help our family feel more secure in so many ways & help eliminate the need Jack has to communicate with strangers. Tell your family, friends, church friends. We need all to help battle this issue that are willing. In closing, I have a few words of advice to the parents that don’t have an Elf on the Shelf, DON’T DO IT! You will have eternal regrets. You will wake up in the middle of the night questioning whether you moved the elf or not. You will rack your brain deciding where to place the elf, in the candle holder or inside the Christmas tree. You WILL run out of places to hide the elf. You will become obsessed your first year of elfing & try to do fun things with the elf by seeking out pins from fellow Pinterest elfers, this only leads to disappointment in the following years of elfing because you will hate that stupid elf & not care where he is, but your children will. You will be the sole responsible person for the elf, the husbands don’t care about it or think about it. Ask yourself ladies, do you need another job? And last but not least, buying the Elf on the Shelf doesn’t stop there. They make costumes & family for the elf. Your kids WILL want this unless stuff & you will buy it. So parents, grandparents, don’t succumb to the Elf on the Shelf madness, it is not worth your sanity or your $$$.

Author: dravetsyndromeblog

44 year old Mama of three kids, wife of a farmer, & business owner.

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