We’ve all daydreamed about winning the lottery, I do all the time. My lottery dreams are much different than yours. Yours would probably consist of selling your current home & moving to paradise, buying a sports car, motorcycles, a personal chef, Louis Vuitton bags, & who knows what else! I’m so out of touch with these type of dreams, I’m having a hard time coming up with frivolous ways to spend money! I am speaking this into the universe so that it will come true…when I win a million bucks, my dreams will be very different from yours. Will money solve the issues we have with Jack, certainly not, but it will help. Let me tell you how $1 million cool ones would be invested.
First, all of our loans would be paid off-most logical. Secondly, I would hire a bodyguard to sit at home with us 24/7. This would enable us to say “no” to Jack for his daily & multiple unreasonable requests. For example, Ava’s school called the house & Jack answered. The message was regarding school t-shirts being available for purchase now, of course Jack wanted one. He would want a t-shirt even if it said “I got a mammogram today”! He just wants stuff no matter the relevance. One of Jack’s helpers mentioned to him that her school has t-shirts for sale, Jack wants one. He went as far as calling the schoolhouse several times inquiring about the shirts. Thankfully, I knew the lady answering the phone, I text her, & she told him they were sold out. Yesterday, he called Dixie Burger (local fast food eatery) & placed an order for grits, knowing full well we have grits at home. He wouldn’t leave the house with me to get them & his caregiver couldn’t get the grits for an hour after he called them in. Dixie Burger threw them away thinking it was a no-show call-in. Once Jack learned they threw his grits away, he called them back & placed an order for a fish plate. Now given people drive from all around for the flounder at Dixie Burger, but his meal went from a $2 cup of grits to a $14 fish plate. All of this was done without ever asking permission. This is why I have to hide the Avon books when they come in. We will find something in there that he just has to have. If I had a bodyguard, I could say no & let the bodyguard wrestle with his tail & wouldn’t have to worry about him harming us. I could tell him no when he breaks his chargers on purpose, his phone on purpose, wants to trade games he purchased the day prior at GameStop for $20 to get $3 for the trade-in the next day. One of Jack’s prized possessions has always been his iPad. He’s had one since he was 8 years old because playing outdoors was too stimulating & induced seizures. At the beginning of the week, he started wanting to sell it to GameStop for money. This is a $400 iPad that is in perfect condition. I’m not sure what the hock price is there for an iPad, pretty sure it’s less than $50. His helper called GameStop & told them to tell Jack they don’t accept those. She also told Jack that maybe we could use it at our business. Sure enough, Jack calls wanting to sell it to us for $20! I wish I could pull a Miranda Lambert & strike a match to that building (don’t turn me in, this is a facetious dream-I’m not an arsonist)! This child loves money. What his plans are for the money, who knows. All of this occurred (including the Dixie Burger transactions) on the same day within two hours of him waking up. Now we’ve got this dreaded day of Friday, September 13 & a full moon, Lord help me Jesus. I am terrified of the possibilities the day & night might bring!
Thirdly, I would hire a personal bi-weekly masseuse. You can only imagine how tense Lee & I on a daily basis. Our necks stay stiff, we don’t rest well, stress is harbored in our shoulders-I could really use a massage right now! The next thing I would do is purchase a ’57 Chevrolet convertible in turquoise blue. This has been my dream car since I was a teenager. That would be my one frivolous buy. How cool would that be to own such a car, it would make my life!
Having an imaginary bodyguard would enable Lee & I to escape for a night. We have not been anywhere alone since 1999. The fears of what Jack may do keep us at home. It would be nice to run to the beach for a night or two. Our “bodyguard” would also disable the need for a constant communication need with Jack. I have to have my phone on me at all times due to his foolishness & medical condition. Last week, he called me 17 times in one day. Can you imagine someone calling you like this all the time? I have my own personal stalker. This is my life nearly everyday. Maintaining a job & a semi-normal thinking process is extremely difficult. I never know if his calls are going to be threats, demands, or a real emergency.
I can’t dream too much because $1 million bucks won’t go far with my aspirations. Believe it or not, I would stay in our hometown, wear the same clothes (Berry Patch shirts included), carry the same $20 wristlet I have now, keep using the same Dove soap I’ve always used, I might consider letting Lee buy a bigger tractor-not much would change, maybe my sanity would improve! I guess I’ll continue singing If I Had A Million Dollars by the Barenaked Ladies in hopes that someday I will. This also blog reminds me of another song I love to sing by Janis Joplin, Mercedes Benz. I’ll leave you to listen to this gem, if you’ve never heard it before, give it a go. Anytime someone says “oh Lord”, which we do a lot in the south, I break out in this song-enjoy. https://youtu.be/5ddnwyyGo4s
One thought on “If I had a Million Dollars”
Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a color TV…Dialing for Dollars is trying to find me…
Janis Joplin wrote this song with Bob Dylan and she recorded it a couple of days before she died. I’m a “RockASaurus” ☮️🤪💜
Your wistful daydreams are a lot different than those of the average person.
What do you think would happen if you put Jack on a budget? If you said, “Son, you’re 18 and its time for you to learn how to manage money on your own”. I’m sure he’d probably spend every penny in 15 minutes because of his impulsivity but is it possible that he might begin to understand financial cause and effect?