The day we have dreaded since December 7, 2017 has arrived. On that evening of December 7, 2017, Jack had one of his most violent outbursts to date. It was an endless evening, night, & wee hours of the morning bouts of violence. He was taken via ambulance to our local ER, then transferred to UNC pediatric intensive care unit where he was tied to a bed for over 12 hours. We’ve done a pretty good job keeping the violence down…until today. Last Friday, August 2, Jack turned 18. Those that know us personally & keep up with my blogs know that Jack turning 18 is momental for him. This is his idea of adulthood, but how can one be an adult with violent behaviors, zero reasoning skills, severe mental illness, & catastrophic health condition. In fact, Dravet Syndrome is described as a rare, catastrophic, lifelong form of epilepsy-the foundations words, not mine. The definition of catastrophic is causing great damage or suffering, a tragedy, fatal, awful, terrible, etc… We have been through everyone of these definitions except fatal. How can you tell someone with all of these conditions that just because you are 18, it don’t mean anything for you? You can’t, it’s totally impossible. He’s like the Lil Nas & Billy Ray Cyrus song Old Town Road…can’t nobody tell me nothin’.
Getting to the day we have dreaded since the above date, Jack went to GameStop & Walmart today with his caretaker- has gone everyday since his birthday. Going to Walmart everyday for five days straight is enough to run someone crazy. For his birthday, we all got him either money, GameStop cards or Walmart cards. The only thing he is into currently is Pokémon & GameStop, buying him gifts is extremely difficult. He learned that GameStop accepts trades. This is not a good thing for Jack. Not only does Jack have a ton of health & mental conditions, he has an addiction problem with games & such & spending money. Because he does not have the capability of understanding concepts & ideas like we do, he thinks if he buys a $20 game & trades it in to GameStop for $3 or $4 he has accomplished something, when in fact, he has lost money. His caretaker pulled the store associate to the side & informed them that Jack wasn’t understanding what he was doing. They told Jack he needed a drivers license to trade, this was just a ploy to try to break the “trade-in” cycle he is now in. After they left the store, Jack grabbed hold of her wrist & squeezed it until they got to our house. She then called me, I called Lee, we were home within minutes. We were able to get him out of them car, but he still had it out for her. He walked towards her & I knew he was going to attack her. I then tried to get Jack in the house, he then turned on me. Jack started punching me in the stomach & kicking me, I flattened him on the ground & laid on top of him. Sherry & Lee saw what was going on & helped in the hold down. When Jack becomes violent, all we can do is hold him down. I now know why I weigh 200lbs., it’s to take Jack down when needed. Never going to complain again about my weight, it could be saving my life, but will probably kill me one day, too. He doesn’t weight but 115lbs., but he’s strong as a freaking ox & will do some serious damage to a body. But even after holding him down after only 10 minutes it becomes so exhausting & fatiguing to our 40 something year old bodies. Thankfully, the attack was outside & only lasted around five minutes. The pebbles in the driveway were digging into his arms, legs, & head. Had he been inside, the fight would of probably lasted a long time. If inside, the spell is harder to break than the spell cast on the town in the movie Hocus Pocus.
I now also know why I’ve been having such vivid, tragic dreams so frequently now, my dreams were a warning of what was to come. There are a few things to be thankful for with today’s events. 1. Jack’s caregiver didn’t have an altercation with him while driving. 2. His caregiver was able to call me. 3. Lee & myself were able to get home before he started fighting. 4. Thankful for neighbors who arrive within minutes for backup should we need it. How embarrassing it is to call upon friends over something like this! We hate it, but it is necessary. These things I am so grateful for. But I’m also ticked that this is something that we have to deal with. It ruins your day, your week, your month. Makes you scared to live in your own home. Makes you walk on eggshells. Ruins any plans that you were considering or plans made. I was planning on cooking a good supper tonight. That was thrown out the window because I became too depressed to cook. Now I’m stuck at 8:30pm riding to town to find some sort of mess to fill my grumbling stomach which I hate with a passion. I’m a meat & two veggies kind of gal. I hate to leave Lee home alone with a ticking time bomb. Winter of 2018, we finally stopped carrying around mace since Jack was doing so well, however, since turning 18 has resulted in side effects similar to some of the most powerful, harmful medications known to man, the mace is back. We will all have to have it now until this storm settles, but will it I ask myself? Will the age of 18 continue to make Jack anxious, make him a crazed maniac? The altercations never get easier, the emotions are the same each time-spent, depression, nervousness, & fear.
I never fought a day in my life-well, there was that one time when a girl from Rockingham (neighboring town) was talking about how trashy people from Ellerbe (my town) were. I didn’t take that lightly, so I karate chopped her in the back of the neck, nothing more became of that. Got to stick up for your peeps! Now at the age of 43, I have to worry about my own son fighting me over foolishness. What a scary disorder to have, but even scarier on the caretakers. He makes it scary to live at home & even scarier to leave it. I ask you all that pray, to pray that Jack’s mind will calm down. Pray that he will not think about being 18 any more. Pray for our safety. I know prayers work, we’ve seen the miracles from your prayers with the problems Jack was having before by getting “catfished”. Thank you all.