One of my favorite comedians is Jeff Foxworthy. Jeff is famous for his “you might be a redneck if” skits. Recently hearing one of Jeff’s comedic sessions, I started to think about my role as a caregiver for Jack in sort of a lighter sense. When taking care of someone with a physical and/or mental disability, outings can become infrequent. Often searching for unusual ways to keep my brain focusing on the negative, I look for the humor in everything. Now I’m not a happy go lucky person in real life. People really do get on my nerves! Slow drivers, people driving in the left lane under the speed limit, customers asking what navy beans taste like, I’m like please, how can I even describe this! Am I supposed to be like a sommelier & describe the richness of the bean, the full body notes with an underlying hint of pear? Just slap a ham hock in them & they are delicious is what I want to say! Or the customers who come in & make a purchase only to say they left their wallet in the car. Now why didn’t they bring it in in the first place? Then there are the complainers. Why are these strawberries so high? This one really ticks me off because my husband is a strawberry farmer. I give them the story then! Well ma’am, did you know strawberries are grown on a special plastic & planted in September & then you have to buy special covers for them to prevent frost from killing them so your precious self can have these strawberries? Then there’s the folks that doubt my existence as anything but a stay at home Mama, it takes the strength of Job to hold me back. I could go on for days about people getting on my nerves, but I won’t-maybe next time.
Here’s my list of you might be a caregiver if…
- If you own stock in dry shampoo, you might be a caregiver.
- If sleeping longer than 5 solid hours at a time seems like a day at the spa, you might be a caregiver.
- If you have accomplished the art of sleeping with one eye open & one eye shut, you might be a caregiver.
- If you look forward to going to the hospital for appointments just so you can shop in the hospital gift shop, you might be a caregiver. They really do have the neatest finds.
- If you actually like hospital food, you might be a caregiver!
- If going to a doctors appointment feels like a mini vacation, you might be a caregiver-that is until you’ve reached the nervous breakdown level.
- If you’ve had to take a baseball bat to your doorbell because you either have a day sleeper or you’re trying to catch-up on missed sleep, you might be a caregiver.
- If your cordless phone battery runs out after one call due to the above statement because of taking the phone off the hook, you might be a caregiver.
- If you could hang out with a group of sailors & not bat an eyelash at their expletives, you might be a caregiver. (I cuss Jack out regularly in my head multiple times a day).
- You might be a caregiver if you have learned to sleep in very small, unusual places; i.e., a corner in a deserted hallway, putting the seats of two chairs together to make a bed, & the worst one, making a pallet on the hospital floor.
- If you find inventive ways to entertain yourself while the patient is in the hospital, you might be a caregiver. This would include counting squares on the ceiling, trimming split ends from your mane, watching countless hours of QVC, blogging lol, & one of my favorites, searching for funny Sling Shot ride videos.
- If you feel like you could do a better job selling the airfryer or Instapot than the QVC host, you might be a caregiver!
- If you offer bribes easier than any politician ever imagined, you might be a caregiver. This is my life when trying to convince Jack to go to a doctors visit or to the grocery store. I should of had the starring role in American Hustle.
- If you think about drinking…a lot, you might be a caregiver!
- If you are jealous of the people in pharmaceutical ads, you might be a caregiver. Those people have the most fun. They are always frolicking on the beach, get to dress in all white, shop in unusual boutiques, eat at the coolest cafes, & seem to actually like their family!
- If you’ve signed more paperwork than produced during the OJ Simpson trial, you might be a caregiver.
- If nothing has ever improved, got approved or helped because of signed paperwork, you might be a caregiver.
- If your ironing board has become a desk, you might be a caregiver.
- If you once were a car driver who drove on fumes & now won’t let the tank get below a quarter tank, you might be a caregiver.
- If you’ve ever been carsick from riding in the back of an ambulance, you might be a caregiver.
- If your nightstand looks like the set of Grey’s Anatomy, you might be a caregiver.
This list will be ever evolving I’m sure. At some point, we all will become caregivers more than likely. Whether it be to a parent, sibling, other family, or a friend, it is important to remember to find the humor in the situation. Your nerves will be tested daily, perhaps hourly like mine. I don’t always smile, I often cry, but I always find the funny & I urge you to do the same!