What an odd title for a blog you must be saying, I would say it too if the shoe were on the other foot. I am on vacation for the first time in years. I stopped taking the family on vacation years ago on account of Jack’s behavior. We came to the beach regularly with my parents when the kids were smaller, but Jack was more manageable then. With the assistance of Lee, my Mama, my sister, & two of Jack’s helpers, we were able to escape to Cherry Grove, SC for two nights. Coleman, Ava, her friend Zoey, & myself are currently sitting on the deck of our oceanfront room listening to the crashing of the waves, murmurs of conversations, listening to various music playlists from vacationers, inhaling secondhand cigarette smoke, & they have loaded up on the pure sugary delight of Krispy Kreme (the sign was on)-what is a beach trip without all of these things!
As I sit on the deck, I get a text from Lee saying he can’t find Jack’s monitor which we use to listen out for a seizure in the middle of the night. There’s no telling what he’s done with it. He has recently become more active in the chat rooms & I guess he feels that having a monitor makes him look babyish. I am texting Lee all of his hiding places & of course he can’t find it anywhere. Reasons like this is why I don’t like leaving home. Lee has been up since 6am & it’s now 12:15am & he’s searching for the monitor. The word relax is not in our vocabulary! If I ever get a tattoo, it’s going to say ‘it’s always something’! That is also another possible title for a my book!
The fears that are going through my brain are hardwired there from years of chronic stress. Will he have a seizure, will he act out, will he take his medications? The list goes on & on, now Lee had to go find the backup monitor & set it up because he couldn’t find his. It never fails if I go somewhere, something happens. Jack doesn’t even know where we are or that I am gone overnight, we left the house today without goodbyes to him because this disrupts his routine. He must of sensed something was up, because he woke up early & now the monitor is gone! I also hate leaving Lee. It feels selfish to take a vacation while he is home working so hard.
We did a show tonight, Medieval Times & I am starving! This is a place where you eat the food with your hands & it’s not that good, there are actors performing jousting & stunts on horses. Why did we choose this show I ask myself, I get jousted everyday by Jack! Although not my cup of tea, we were able to relax without any pressure of our home lives for a few hours. One of the pluses about being away from home is Coleman, Ava, & her friend are free to roam the hotel room anywhere they please without the fear of Jack looming around the corner. The rational side of my brain knows this is a good trip to do with the kids & very much needed, but the other side of my brain is not so kind to me.
Let’s get to the shaving cream lid part. For years, I would save the lid to my shaving cream because an impromptu trip may of occurred & I would need my lid for travel. Finally, I started throwing them away when I opened a new container of shaving cream because I never went anywhere. When packing for this trip, I realized I didn’t have a shaving cream lid to cover my shaving cream & that made me sad. You don’t realize the impact of small changes sometimes until years later. I am forward to a new day, taking the kids to eat breakfast, & hopefully a relaxing day on the beach without a sunburn or hometown chaos!